The Gift

I turned a corner on my journey. My counselor gave me a grief exercise where I fill in the blanks. One of the sentences was “If I could ask him one question it would be ___________”. I thought on it for a couple days. One question. I would want to know in the days to follow our separation if he reflected on his behaviors and feels any remorse. If he takes ANY responsibility for his actions. Because knowing that would bring me closure I’d never get out of a convo with him. Remember, this is a guy who cares more about the fight than our relationship. It’s all a game of manipulation where he must win, he would never show any vulnerability. So I write down my one question. If I could ask him one question it would be “what would you do differently?”. I like this question. It will tell me everything I need to know. Is he capable of evolving, of growing? Of learning? Of doing better? Of being a better person? That’s what I’m striving to do. I can tell you there are things I learned, things I would do better, things I WILL do better going forward.

Approximately 4 days later, I am given a gift. A gift of a response. Albeit didn’t come from him directly, it’s as good as I’ll get and it’s pretty good. Evan runs into my estranged husband at a work event. He says it was a weird interaction as my EH (estranged husband) bee lined it for Evan, immediately jumps into bragging about the girls he’s dating/juggling. It makes Evan pity him. It’s obvious he’s overcompensating; trying to convince himself more than Evan. EH says the hooker in St Pete wants to be his girlfriend. Get this...the girl he’s shacked up with for 4 months? He calls her “the hooker”?! This is the 2nd time street gossip reveals he calls her the hooker. WOW. That says a lot about EH and I find my thoughts drift to her. I hope she spins on her heel and leaves him in her dust. No one deserves that shiz! EH goes on boasting to Evan how he told her “if we're together, I'm the boss, period. I say when we go out, when we stay home, what we do, what we don't. No exceptions, this is not a partnership, this is a dictatorship”. Evan wondered if EH knows how insane he sounds. It’s becoming oh so clear to me now. EH has zero ability to look at himself and assess what he could do better. EH is incapable of growth, of doing better or being better.


It’s crystal clear. No counseling would have helped us. What also came out of that interaction with Evan...EH actually thinks I'm having a midlife crisis and he wasn't stern enough with me. Nope. Not this girl. Not one single question circling the drain in my mind. Look, he managed to charm me for 4 years. This girl he’s calling “the hooker” got 4 months before he grew weary and started showing his real self. EH is getting older and clearly has less patience for the energy it requires to manipulate someone. I wish for the world to absorb him back into it; make him anonymous to me just as he was before we met. AFTER he signs the freaking divorce papers, of course.


I've had a bit of a pep back in my step. I made the absolute correct decision. I’ve known that, but even still what Evan passed on was a gift. The gift of closure. EH was already shrink wrapping my world and here he thinks he wasn't tough enough on me. He's INSANE. And I'm at peace.