Pole Performance - GNO

• We start with pre event dinner @ the Sky Bar (yum) with our bestie and some of her dance group.  Mulan and I are the only two civilians. 
• Convos include hair, cosmetic procedures gone too far, who forgot deodorant, weight loss, pole training schedules, Trina’s preference for anal sex (whuuut?  Don’t all strangers discuss this with each other?)
• Trina is starving for some kinda love.  A mother’s?  A father’s?  Her demeanor & attire plead for people to find value in her.  Girl needs a hug.  And some panties. 
• I read an article the pole community wants to give pole dancing a fresh public image as a legit competitive sport.  Makes sense, because that is some kinda crazy strength and agility to whip your own body weight around and make it look graceful!
• A gig at the local performance arts center is a good sign they are gaining momentum as a legitimate sport.
• @ the performing arts center, we take a moment for stage appreciation –  this looks like it’s gonna be crazy cool! 
• Opening acts – All body types are being represented.  We take a moment to appreciate this and wonder if we could be so bold to put ourselves on stage.  #respect  
• Why do they keep slapping their bodies on the stage like seals?  It's a sloppy move for such a acrobatic sport.
• Getting schooled!  Flexibility has nothing to do with size or shape. 
• Hmmm.....we notice thrusting vaginas has become a pattern here.  
• 3 acts in.  Not all the performers got the memo on the fresh public image of pole performing.
• Emcee beckons for the pole cleaners after opening acts.  Mulan & I lock eyes...we can’t stop laughing.  Pole cleaners?  So many possibilities for this moniker, our mind's are racing.
• WTF?  Emcee would like to thank the pole cleaner’s sponsors?  Ok, So, wait!  They have a sponsor?  Uh, no.  They have sponsorSSSSS.  As in more than one business sponsors the work of a pole cleaner?  How much do microfiber towels cost? 
• Next performer is reenacting a reality show segment complete with lip synced sound bites, stage props and costume.  It has the makings of an SNL skit. 
• She probably wishes she has knee pads on.  Her future will include knee problems. 
• Pole cleaners continue to get their curtain call between acts.  We’re learning tonight there are two kinds of people in this world:  pole cleaners and performers. You decide which kind of person you are.
• ​Butterscotch performers are next.  Oooo, look at that upper body!  Ok, here's where we're gonna see some athleticism, we just know it! 
• Huh?  Floor routine and toe touching?  Is this all?
• WTF, you pole p*ssy?  Get the freak up on that pole already.
• Mulan & I have the giggles now and discuss the brilliant double entendre that pole p*ssy implies.  1) you’re scurrred to swing the pole    2) your p*ssy enjoys receiving pole.   What if your man grabs your hair in the throes of passion and calls you his pole p*ssy?  Is that sexy or insulting?   What if he called you his pole cleaner? 
• Intermission!  Whew.  We need to walk off the giggles. 
• Mulan leaves her almost full water bottle at our seats.  NEVER leave your drink unattended!  I insist we get new waters.   
• Lights flicker – time to get back to our seats.  New water bottles in hand!
• What’s this?  Why are girls from the audience lining up on stage?  Ohhh, we’re voting?  What are we voting for?  Are we voting on shoes?  Outfits?  Moves?  What’s happening here?  We are confused by the purpose of this election process.  Our table mates are not able to offer any information. There's a clear winner by applause and no real answers.
• We sit through a couple more dance groups slappin bodies on the stage & throwing vagina.
• ​Oh oh oh, we know one of these girls!  She's a former gymnast turned pole instructor.  Wand we KNOW this is gonna be a show stopper.   
  
• OK, here comes Samantha Sapphire.  Ooooo!  She’s gonna be good, we can tell. Suddenly, Samantha dramatically kicks the chair she started on to the other side of the stage.
• I whisper “she’s done with that chair" to Mulan.
• Was Samantha Sapphire good?  We were too busy imagining all the ways “she’s done with that chair” can apply to everyday life.  Done with that pen?  THROW IT in dramatic fashion.  Done eating?  THROW THAT DISH across the room like you’re sexy mad at it!   Done watching your fav show?  THROW that TV off the balcony and whip your hair.  Do it like you hate it AND want to have sex with it. 
• Oh, now here comes Babe Road looking like she knows what she's doing.  OK, WOW.   She's a  contortionist-gymnast.      
• ​The lights come on, show is officially over.   ​
• ​​We saw a lot of free spirits and body confidence.  Empowering!
• We also saw a lot of awkward gyrations and a lot of unnecessary vagina throwing. 
• There is an athletic element here.  Four of the performers showed the skill and discipline of an athlete.  As we leave the venue, we wonder if it's these 4 performers alone who are committed to the fresh image of pole performing.