Rescue Dating

It's been a while since I shared time with a guy.  I spent a few months with a guy who lived 2 hrs away and on some levels he was something special.  There were some red flags, however, so there was to be an expiration date on our time together.  I thought well, hey.  Maybe I spend some more time solo to heal and then dip a toe in the water of the dating world when I feel up to it.  I've cocooned, therapized, fed my soul and well....guys...I'm up to it!  

I'm older now, so the pool of available options isn't as large as it was when I was 20.  Or even 30.  I know the on line dating world because many of my friends have used it.  I think no, not for me.  I'm not ready for my photo to be out there with a banner across it that says "AVAILABLE".  I'd like something more...discreet?  I meet with a professional matchmaker and left that appt so fast, my shoes left tread marks.  It all sounded amazing, private and right up my ally.  Until the matchmaker made a comment "these guys spend a lot of money for this service, so it's important you come into this looking for love".  Look, I understand you want what you pay for, but I am looking to date, not for love.  Now I'm really unsettled and suggest we not waste anymore of each others time...how much is this service?  I nearly fainted.  $6000 for 10 dates, WITH the expectation you find your soul mate.  I got the distinct impression they would be displeased if I did not lock it down with one of the dates as my forever guy.  Uh.  Gross.  Way to make a girl feel cheap.  Expensively cheap!  

So...maybe I look at on line dating again?  I answer the questions, set up my profile.  I get it.  I do.  I understand the allure of it in today's busy culture.  I go live with my profile and I feel so uneasy.  Why does the on line dating format look so much like finding a rescue pet?  THE LAY OUT IS EXACTLY LIKE PETFINDER.COM.  I think, well...I DID find my best friend through petfinder.com, so let's remain open minded!  Still, I feel uncomfortable.  I decide I'll give it 24 hrs.  It's been 4 hrs since I went "live".  I can't sleep.  Something tells me no.  One thing I've learned through this gut wrenching divorce is do NOT ignore your instincts!  I pop out of bed, grab the iPad and delete the on line dating account and profile.  I feel immediately at ease.  

I'm leaving it up to the universe for now.  I'd like to meet someone in an organic way.  Old school.  You're attracted to someone, you like the convo, you feel the chemistry and want to learn more about this person.  It's a big gamble.  People don't necessarily know you're available without a banner across a profile pic and are less inclined to put themselves out there.  I admit there's a practical use for on line dating.  If the universe doesn't set me up then, maybe I'll revisit it.   I would have to get comfy with the idea of becoming nothing more than a vending machine option or a rescue pet.  Hmmm....do I want kettle chips or Cheetos?  Do I want the scruffy mutt or the terrified cat?  The weird thing is dating is so personal.  Yet, you certainly couldn't take anything personally.  Maybe they want M&M's and I'm wearing a Snickers wrapper.  Meh.