Basic B*tch

If you've not been turned on to this term yet, let me bring you up to speed.  The reference implies you are predictable and lack imagination.  No basic b*tch will be earmarked as a trend setter.  She will just follow the trends set by the other brave and courageous b*tches out there.  You know, the one's who are prolly bowed up screaming how "real" they are.  Because the only people who seem to use the term "basic b*tch" are the most ratchet of folk.  The one's who have a knack for creating false drama.  The b*tches who aren't emotionally intelligent enough to figure out putting your hands on other people in anger yields no winners.  These are the b*tches who greet their man with a flying soup can to the head or smother them with praise & kisses.....there's no in between.  Things stay extreme for the non basic b*tch.  The higher the up, the higher the down.  It could be a lack a maturity, an anger management problem, but it could also be a straight up chemical imbalance.  Either way, make no mistake.  The non basic b*tch lacks the ability to govern their own behaviors.  A non basic b*tch's world is combative, scandalous, erratic and crazy.  Because that is much more exciting, right? ​

The non basic b*tch does not have the capacity for loyalty.  She will destroy her best friend and she will stab her own lover while he sleeps for a perceived disrespect that may or may not have taken place in the real world.  In the non basic b*tch's mind, there are many ticks and booms.  ​People fall into the trap of thinking this is exiting.  Maybe it is.  For a minute.  It will wear you down quickly.  A non basic b*tch's shelf life is short.  She will have a high turn over in her world.  Friends don't stick around, lovers bounce, family relationships are rocky.  And she will tell you every one who leaves her life is a f*cked up mess, because she can't possibly be the common denominator, right?! 

​I'm a basic b*tch and I'm proud of it.  I'm not a mindless drone biting off other people's style or lacking imagination, but I like peace in my world.  I strive for it.  I am secure in who I am and what I have to offer the world.  I'm secure in what the world can offer me.  I'm confident enough in my value to know I can wear whatever the f*ck I want.  Target tanks on sale?  Yes, please and thank you!  I drink custom made coffee concoctions.  I love a good girl's happy hour.  I am consistent, reliable and dependable.  I take Zumba, pilates and yoga.  I love my husband.  We have date night every week (predictable AND romantic!).  I diddle with craft projects and attend Sketch and Sip classes at my local restaurants.  I know drama is great on TV and destructive in your real life.  I know how to savor the moment when life is good.  I employ skills necessary to resolve conflict in my life.  I believe if you have nothing nice to say, you should say nothing.  I believe everyone deserves to be treated with respect. 

​So, yeah.  Sign me up and make it official.  ​Basic b*tch reporting for duty and proud to wear the "uniform". 

​So, listen.  All this basic b*tch talk has me thinking.  It's only fair we dub the b*tch's who think making life harder than it is already is the epitome of iconism.  I propose we refer to that segment of the population as Spiral B*tches.  As in spiraling out of control.  As in spiraling down.  As in corkscrew brain.  As in watch this train wreck sabotage her own life.  Gurrrl, you aren't on the cusp of being an icon, you are nothing butta spiral b*tch.