I have this convo with my husband on occasion and we had it again last week  He keeps an imaginary scoreboard in his head of who's made the effort, who remembered birthdays, who's traveled in to see us, who hasn't, who calls, who doesn't, who initiates plans, who doesn't, etc.  I don't have time for someone else's actions to define mine or establish the bar to which all actions shall be measured.  I will be true to my own character.  This is why I will always put in the effort for family and chosen family (ie friends). 

 ​At some point in all relationships, there will be someone who's putting in more effort.  Sure, you don't want to be taken advantage of, but that's not what this is about.  I'm not proposing we grovel and beg people to love us or be in our life.  This is about your actions, your character, your truth.  I'm saying if you only tit after someone else tat's, your life will become small.  It's like the people who do something really crummy and then say "I only did ABC because you XYZ'd".  Ohhhh, so, you get a pass on ethical behavior because you perceive you were done wrong first?  Passive aggressive much?  How's that working out for you?

​I remember when my uncle was dying.  My cousin came in and was by his side taking care of him.  No one could believe she would do this since her dad (my uncle) was an terrible father.  Her response was so simple.  Just because he was a crummy dad doesn't mean I HAVE to be a crummy daughter.  She wanted to do what was natural for her, and what felt natural was to be there when he needed her.  Why should she be burdened with regret later?  Wasn't it enough he regret his actions?  Peace was made during that time and her heart healed.  That would not have been possible if she didn't have the right attitude. 

That's my perspective on making the effort with people, in general.  ​There are limitations sometimes that have nothing to do with how much they care about you.  You might not know what they are wrestling with in their own life.  Stop judging, keeping score or editing the behaviors that come natural to you because you want to make some kind of passive aggressive point that will no doubt be lost anyways.  Just put in the effort because it's what you do.  It's what feels right.  Because you are strong enough to be true to yourself despite how someone else behaves.  The real loser is the person who's behaviors are dictated by other people's actions, in my humble opinion.   

We run two small businesses. 
We are often solicited by sales people to buy their service(s). 
Let me share with you what sales people are missing
and why it's so hard to close a deal with us. 

​I'm polite.  I treat everyone with respect.  I respect your time, I respect your livelihood.  Please.  Show me the same courtesy.  Sales people are like date rapists.  They never really hear "no".  Try to manhandle me and you'll be darn skippy you will hear a no like you've never heard or felt before. 

1)  I am pivotal in our day to day operations.  I do NOT have 10 minutes to carve out for your spiel.  Any resistance you have to my polite decline only tells me you have no respect.  You can pretty much guarantee I will not buy anything from you now.

​2)  You've done your research on our business and you rattle off a litany of services you think we can benefit from.  Don't overwhelm me with information.  You've lost me.  I'm bored.  Pick one item of value, tell me that.  If I'm intrigued, you can layer in more info as I ask for it.   

3)  Speaking of.....your sales pitches don't allow for the nuances of learning disabilities. I have sensory perception disorder.  If I have something on my mind or a fire I'm putting out and you come bulldozing into my day with your spiel, eating up my time trying to overcome my objections with your scripts and training it sounds like white noise to me.  I'm done. 

​4)  If you do peak my interest, I'll take your info down.  If I don't follow up with you, I am NOT a lead.  Please don't keep calling me in months to come.  You'll only annoy me and guarantee I won't buy your product or service.

​5)  If you overuse my name, I feel patronized.  If you come at me like we're chummy, I'm turned off immediately.  You need to earn comfortable convo.  Right now, we are strangers. 

​6)  BUDGET. So simple right? If I politely decline, it's because I've done the #'s in my head.  Once I've said no, if you don't respect it and try to overcome my objection with sales tactics, you only succeed in irritating me.  I know my budget.  You do not. 

​7)  Don't insult my intelligence or talk down to me.  Another one that should be simple, right?  The minute you act like I'm missing the boat, we're done here.  It may be a negotiation tactic, but it never translates well for me.  I know when I'm being manipulated, worked or "handled" and I will shut down faster than you can blink.  That includes passing me off to a professional "closer".  I said no.  

​8)  On that note.  If you use a script, training manual or canned response with me, I'm done.  If this isn't an organic interaction, BUH BYE. 

​9)  If I do buy your product or service, please don't try to upsell me thereafter.  We are small businesses.  I need time to see how this purchase impacts our business before I consider layering in something more expensive.  If you do solicit me for upgrade, assign ONE person to do so.  Getting calls from 8 diff employees to pitch an upsell is just stalking.  You think you're working a prospect, but I feel harassed.

​10)  You know what I will do?  If I like your product/services, I will automatically read up on your business.  If I like what I see/hear, I will pursue you.  And guess what?  I know I want to talk to you, so I've built it into my schedule and I'm receptive to listen.  Cold call or visit and you will most certainly catch me in an unreceptive moment. 

​Come talk to me like I'm a person and not a conquest, be receptive to my objections, hear me when I say no and you will earn my respect.  Maybe even earn my business at some point.  There are times I will circle back with someone and buy.  Today's contact might just be tomorrow's customer if you don't f*ck up.

It may be uncomfortable, but I feel like we should be talking more about this with each other. 
Oral Hygiene
​Let's go there.  I'm not sure everyone understands how BIG
these small, simple steps are to a fresh mouth.  The vast majority of people just need to do a better job with the FUNDAMENTALS of basic oral hygiene. It's easy!  
​So read on and see what you might be skipping in your routine for an EASY fix. 

1)  Brush for 2 minutes.  Time it, don't cheat.  That 2 min is crucial.  Get it all, too...brush your tongue, the roof of your mouth, your gums, the sides of your mouth (insides of your cheeks).
Do squats while you brush if you're bored.  

​2)  FLOSS.  Yup.  You gotta do it.  Food gets trapped in every groove and crevice no matter how slight.  I know it seems crazy those tiny particles trapped between teeth can wreak that much havoc on your mouth/breath, but it's been proven. 
Ever smell a sink when food's trapped in it for a period of time?  I rest my case. 

​3)  Rinse with mouthwash for 1 minute.  Swish it around, let it pass between
the crevices in your mouth and teeth. 

​4)  Be in tune with your body.  Funny smells coming from your mouth could be a sign of a bigger problem.  Get to the Dentist or even to the Doctor.  

​​You don't have to floss all your teeth!  ​Just the ones you want to keep.

​Don't you dare say that's too much effort! 
I've seen you ladies who take 20 minutes to make the perfect liquid liner cat eye! 
I've seen you fellas who take 20 min to match your sneaks to your tee and flat brim ball caps! 
Effective oral hygiene takes less than 4 minutes! 

No matter how good you look,
if you've got swampy sewage mouth, all anyone will remember is
how bad your breath was, period. 

​*I'm not a professional.    
​*Consult your Dentist for professional care.