It’s such a bore.  I don’t care about your political beliefs.  You’re an entertainer.  Entertain us.  You may influence fashion, music, or trends, but you will not influence who I vote for.  Your political beliefs do not influence me any more than mine influence you.  You are not going to undo the life of experiences that builds someone else's paradigms which become the permanent filter for which they view life.  Just shut up and vote.  Another reason I don't give a f*ck who a celebrity endorses?  People who live in a privileged, altered world do not have any credibility when it comes to how the rest of us will live in reality.

More Magazine is a magazine for women in their 40's and over.  The content speaks to things only women 40+ can relate to and "More".  I excitedly subscribed.  I love the actresses they put on the cover.  They are older and they are still KILLING it!  I'm loving the articles.  I love the suggestions for skin care at the different stages of life.  I love putting older women in the spotlight and celebrating the fact beauty is not limited to younger generations.  I love how fun the magazine is and it's not just promoting prune juice and boxed hair color.  This is right up my alley! After 3 editions, I cancel my subscription.

I'm scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed enjoying pictures of pets, family, friends and vacations.  I chuckle as I read memes and jokes.  Sippin coffee with a smile from the pleasant stroll through the scroll.  Suddenly a video on my feed starts playing.  It's GRAPHIC animal abuse meant to motivate outrage and donations for the cause.  I do both. Outraged? Check!  Donation?  Check!  Social media can certainly be a tool for awareness and I'm not hating on awareness.  I only wish these horribly graphic images didn't pop up in such a visually assaulting way in what is otherwise a virtual scrapbook of happiness. 

I know horrible people are in the world living amongst us.  I know terrible things happen every day.  I don't need to see the receipts.

​Look, I donate regularly to charities.  All I'm saying is I'd appreciate it if there were a banner across the video stating graphic images will appear and these videos not be set to automatically play.  Really, all I need is a link to be able to donate.  I'm more than happy to donate for worthwhile causes.  I know rape exists, but I don't need to see those videos either (RAINN, I donated to your cause yesterday.  Thank you for not putting a video of the abuse on my FB page). 

Ever have to call for help with your internet, only to have the technician attempt to trouble shoot over the phone with you?  Yeah.  It's as effective as getting a haircut through the phone.

​ I don't work for your company.  I didn't get 2-8 wks worth of training at your company to understand your product.  All I know is the service I pay handsomely for is not working.  I'm confused why am I working so hard and contorting my body into uncomfortable positions to look for serial #'s that are not there.  Next, I'm being directed to look for the white sticker.  I say I only have an orange sticker.  36 mins later, I'm covered in dust, touched things I normally wouldn't dare (RIP little lizard), bent myself in unnatural positions reminiscent of the girl from The Ring (and now looking like her, too), with debris in my left eye scratching my cornea and the tech asks what the orange sticker says.  I tell him.  He says, ok I guess your modem has an orange sticker.  Ugh.  I'm being asked questions about the initial set up from 5 yrs ago.  Shouldn't they know?  They installed the equipment!  What happened to service calls?  Can I throat punch someone through the phone?  Because I would shatter that larynx.  

If you're gonna give me such little regard as to not acknowledge me in situations where common courtesy would normally apply, that's ok.  Just please don't solicit me when you need something.  You don't have to like me, but I do expect consistency.  If you're gonna pretend we don't know one another in social settings & family gatherings, then you need to pretend we're strangers ALL the time. ​Oh, by the way, the answer is no.  I will not give you money.  Do I know you?

I have two problems.  That sentence is false.  I have a lot of problems.  Let's try again.  I have two obsessions.  Sharpie pens & Zip Lock baggies.  The thought of running out of either item makes me break out in hives.  I'm not sure where or why it started.  I only know I'm convinced Sharpie pens & Zip Lock baggies could save the world.  Or at the very least, they could organize the world.  If you come to my house and you don't see either of these items in bulk, call the police.  Something's terribly wrong. 

Here's what I've learned about these two simple words with infinite meanings.  Use them in a debate or argument and you're immediately discredited. 

​

I don’t care how good looking you are or how much money you have.  When you prance around someone ridiculously younger than you, you instantly become a creep (Hugh Heffner). Your mental stability, brain development and inner fortitude is under suspect (Leonardo DiCaprio).  That goes both ways (Demi Moore).  You can be as hot as you want and still give off heebie jeebies (Bradley Cooper) with a grand canyon sized age spread between you and your lover.  Aren’t you just inviting insecurity to tag along?  You take yourself from” totally got it goin’ on” to “pathetically geriatric” when you’re standing next to someone in their prime.  You might as well wear a sandwich board that says you have some kinda tick in your brain (Woody Allen) &/or have zero emotional intelligence. 

Can we all agree Johnny Depp* still has it?  But, next to Amber Heard’s gorgeous grouping of collagen molecules, he looks sad and old.  His jowls, eye baggage and neck sag seem exaggerated.  His skin looks sallow.  Go ahead, google some pics and do your own comparison.  Now, let’s cut her out and replace her with age appropriate hotness (they're out there...hot people of all ages DO exist) and he will instantly jump back to an ageless Greek God.  Isn’t “staging” something actors should innately know?!   

Now that they are on the verge of divorce, Mr Depp has a fantastic opportunity to add years to his life & his look  by dating someone in his EFFIN AGE GROUP!

​*This entry written before the Depp/Heard divorce drama and is intended only to address the creep factor of large age gapped relationships.