Ever heard the saying "surround yourself with people who are better than you"?  The purpose being if you're surrounded by people who challenge, inspire and motivate you, they will pull you up; bring the absolute best out of you.  If you hang out with your equals or less, they will only bring you down; you will reach a plateau in life.  I always questioned that theory because if you hang out with "better" then aren't YOU the one bringing THEM down?  Who wants to be dubbed the dead weight?!

​Are we to latch onto a "better" group of human beings & accept that we may very well just bring them down?  Are we obligated to put in the effort to  absorb a "lesser" human being into our world in hopes we enrich them?  Who gets to say who is "better"?  Sounds like a crock to me.  I get the intent....who doesn't want to be the best version of themselves?!  Motivate yourself, surround yourself with the people who draw the best out of you, push yourself to see what you can accomplish.  

​Here's what I do know to be true.  There are people in life that require more of your effort.  There are people in life that are effortless to be around.  I've gained valuable life lessons from both.  I think it's important to be in organized sports, the military, major school projects or in a work environment where you are working towards common goals.  It's there that you learn there is value in each and every human being.  That annoying co worker who is heavy on schmoozing, but light on actual work?  They are great at landing new clients.  They seem to always know the right things to say to the right people.  Running drills with that team mate who slows your time down?  They are an excellent offensive tackle and can protect you from hits that could put you out of the game.  Just enrolled in the Army and get paired with the scrawny, snarky, humorless guy as a bunk mate?  Then you find out this guy is unbelievably intelligent is exactly who we'd want working in Intelligence.  Got assigned to the introvert for the massive school assignment on public speaking?  Turns out they have excellent writing skills and put together a speech that brings the A+.  When you're forced to spend time with people you might not have otherwise, you can learn so much.  Maybe BOTH your lives are enriched as a result.

​There's no talent in being dismissive.  There's no talent in ranking who is a better human being than the next.  The talent is in finding the value in everyone.  Every.  One.  

What's the saying...You never know the battle another person may be fighting?  It happens for kids, too.  Just because they are kids doesn't mean their world is any less complicated.  Maybe it's more complicated because they don't have the ability to take charge of every situation.  

​​One of our vendors brings his grandson in when he's picking up or dropping off work.  His average length of time in our office can be 30-60 minutes.  To say the kid is a handful is polite.  I try to avoid him as much as I can.

My Dad brings the kid into the office & I'm thinking ah, man.  It's clear I'm to entertain him so the work crew can focus on their installation. I sit down and talk to the kid.  Whadda ya know, he is smart, witty and now I can see he's a really cute kid.  He's actually pretty adorable.  The more we talk, the more his energy levels out.  

​I spend all of 15 min with him and he says "you know, I have the PERFECT guy for you!".  I laugh and point to my wedding band.  I say little man, that's what this ring means...I HAVE the perfect guy.  He says yeah, but we can swap that ring out.  Because he thinks his dad would be perfect for me.  In fact, he will ask his mom to take off her ring so I can put it on & she can go away.  I am taken off guard.  He stops and says "you seem like a nice lady".  I say thank you and he says "it's settled".  What is happening here?  I say oh no, buddy, that's not how that works.  He decides he knows what my lack of enthusiasm might be.  I can see his little mind turning.  His eyes light up and he asks "ever heard of a mall?".  I say of course!  He says how bout my dad takes you to the mall and you pick out your own ring, you don't have to wear my mom's ring!  I tell him that is a generous offer, but I have a husband I love and it just doesn't work like that.  We can be friends though!  He draws picture of me and writes "I like you" on it.  I tell him I like him, too.  I will never lie to a kid.  I REALLY do like him.  Shame on me for not seeing past his behavior issues before now.  His grandpa comes in and says "you can tell he's mine, flirting with the pretty ladies".  Daniel grabs granddad's hand as they walk away.  I hear Daniel say she's not pretty, she's beautiful and she's a princess!  I melt.  And I feel shame for not taking a minute for this kid before now.  How he glamorized me in his mind after about 30 minutes of attention tells me a lot. 

​My Dad says the reason he brought Daniel into the office is because his mom was out there helping with an install.  She said she doesn't like Daniel and doesn't even want him.  Our vendor said "well, that's why I have custody!".  Granddad is the only stability.  Mom and dad are in and out of jail, along with other psychological issues.    

​So here's Daniel, all of 5 years old, dealing with a world he never asked for.  He doesn't have behavioral issues, he has logistical problems.  He was born into a messed up situation.  He's fighting a battle no one knows about.  I hope the world will be kind to him.  I certainly will.   

Recently, a group of girl friends and I took an amazing trip to the Bahamas.  What made it so amazing is the opportunity to take a private plane, stay for free in a vacation home with panoramic views located far away from the touristy, gimmicky areas, but not so far away we were isolated.  We had our own boat and lovely driver who proved to be a blessing and wonderful addition to our group.  We were able to explore the islands, the waters, the restaurants (& much more) at our pace without huge crowds, lines, sign up sheets or interference.  While taking pictures, there was no line for the perfect angle and every shot lacked the clutter of other tourists.  If you've ever patiently waited your turn to take a picture to memorialize your vacation, then you know what I'm talking about.  You just can't put a price on breaking off a piece of the world just for you and your crew.  We had the Great Abacos Islands at our fingertips. 

​For us, it was a golden opportunity that came to light after the stars aligned in just the right format.  This was not your every day girl's trip.  If I told you how inexpensive this trip was, you wouldn't believe me, because we traveled in such luxury and were treated like royalty.  We danced, we sang, we explored, we experienced beautiful things and beautiful sights, we ate new foods, we blew conch at sunset (a Bahamian tradition), we fished, we sipped coffee on the decks while trying to guess who was in those billion dollar yachts passing through, we school girl giggled and we (not so lady like) sprayed spit laughing so hard (more than once) until we cried.  We also decided to have some friendly relay competition that left 2 of us icing down various body parts.  What do we care?  It made for a funny story.  Most of all we relaxed, unwound, decompressed and just breathed.  It's the most relaxed I've been since pre holiday season 2016.  Total zen reset! 

That zen like feel has stayed with me as we've settled back into the every day hustle.  I'm a better problem solver, a better wife, a better General Manager and I believe a better person.  Yeah.  Pretty dramatic statement.  But, the people I used to have zero patience for?  Well, I've gained a new inner calm that has allowed me to see them with fresh perspective.  As a result, I've identified a better way of dealing with those people.  I not only feel better about my interactions with them, but I'm getting results in those relationships.   I've also gained clarity in relationships I may be putting too much effort into...time to ease off. 

​This trip was a reminder how important it is to carve some time out for vacations.  No more excuses, no more "I'm too busy".  Taking time to unplug and recharge my batteries is just as important as anything else in my life.  Just look at these actual shots from this trip and you tell me...wouldn't these views strip away your stress, too?! 

​PS These are some of my actual vacation photos!  BLISS!

What do you do when you are watching one of your friends/family obsessing over their body and perceived imperfections?  The procedures, the money, the obsessive fixations, the blatant lies about what they are and are not doing to themselves?  When you are watching them become a caricature of their original self?  Do you say "hey...cut it out, you look ridiculous!"?  Do you intervene with love and concern?  Or do you say nothing because it's their life and their happiness on the line?  Maybe this makes them happy and you butt the f*ck out?  Who is any one of us to say what someone else should do with their body & face?  Who made any one of us the judge and jury on what looks "good" and what is "oh dear lord what have you done to your face?!"? 

Maybe they look at me and wonder why I'm not running to the surgeon to tweak this or change that?  Perhaps they believe I'm missing a chance to sculpt myself to perfection?  Maybe they look at me in my original factory installed parts and think "bless her heart, she should get that fixed!".  I've never been one for after market parts.  I can't even get fake fingernails because the fact that they aren't mine skeeves me out.  Get this foreign shiz off my fingers!  I also don't want to be disappointed in my God given parts.  Remember the colored contact craze?  All my friends did it.  I couldn't.   I kept thinking what if I love having blue eyes and when I take them out I no longer like my hazel eyes?  It just felt like I would be setting myself up for disappointment.  Life will give me plenty of disappointments, why would I want to add to that? 

I like things in their original state.  I mean, if you're miserable and a nose job will bring you happiness, I'm for it.  Sis Boom Bah Rah Rah Rah, goooooo you!  What I'm specifically talking about is the disconnect between what the brain sees and what is reality.  I'm talking about Doctor shopping when you're told no (sadly there's always going to be the Dr about the $), the constant state of healing from your last op and you're already talking about what you want to do next, the inability to enjoy life because you are obsessing over your looks, the constant comparing of yourself against other people, when you spend an enormous amount of energy preparing everyone for what you've done to yourself this time so when they finally see you they don't freak out.  That's what I'm talking about here. 

There's so much beauty and character in imperfections.  I never want to forget that.  I never want to feel disappointed or ashamed of my real parts.  Look, I have crinkles around my eyes.  They grow deeper each day & some days they bother me.  BUT I've never had horizontal forehead wrinkles, so I have that going for me, right?!  My nose is too big, but I have a good smile.  I have a long torso and short legs, but there are fashion tricks to elongating my legs & the end result can make me appear statuesque.  I sweat, I don't perspire, but I have pretty arm pits.  Didn't know there was such a thing?  Start noticing...arm pits are pretty ugs.  I am a bit goofy, but I can also be quite witty.  I tend to over analyze, but I genuinely care.  I can seem flight or flaky, but I am always sincere.  I have so many imperfections but I also have a lot of blessings.  WE ALL DO!

​Next time your attention goes to something you don't love about yourself, will you do me a favor?  Immediately think of something you LIKE about yourself.  Don't let that moment pass without also appreciating something about yourself.  Because you are pretty freakin awesome & somewhere right now someone is admiring something about you and doesn't see your "imperfections".  XOXO

We've all done it.  We've all had it done to us.  Hijacking the moment.  Ramrodding the conversation.  Stealing "air time".  Suffocating someone else's story.  Sometimes it's seamless and sometimes it's plain ole obnoxious. 

We get excited about a subject and before we know it, we've barged right in with our own two cents.  Hey...no harm, no foul.  Sometimes our two cents really does add up to a good multi-dimensional convo.  We pepper in our comments/questions at appropriate points in the convo and it can really season the context.

When it's obnoxious is when we are incapable of letting someone else speak.  When we feel whatever triggered our memory MUST be vocalized that very second, even if we step on someone else's words.  What do we care, we gotta say this while we're thinking of it.  Wrong.  America, just wrong. 

Bookmark that thought.  Let the other person say their peace.  More often than not, whatever comment we felt compelled to barge in with isn't even pertinent.  Why does the speaker have to hit pause and risk forgetting what the point they were making?  Human beings can be awful at listening. Everyone is way too  busy  swimming in their own mind, their own thoughts.  Thinking how we want to respond, looking for our moment to pounce and hijack the convo, feeling the immediate need to blurt out whatever triggered a memory of a" time when.....".  UGH.   

​Not all our thoughts are worth sharing.  Sure, we may have been triggered by convo and reminded of an experience we had, but that doesn't mean we HAVE to say it.  Sometimes it's more satisfying to listen.  We can let someone else shine their light without projecting our own life experience onto that moment.  If you find hearing someone else speak makes you feel you must speak, then who the heck is listening anymore?  We can't all cram onto the stage and then be shocked when it collapses. 

Know your role.  Sometimes it's to listen.  Sometimes it's to speak.  The key to anything and everything in life is BALANCE.  Let's find our conversational balance, America.

​Food for thought:  if you find you always have something to say about everything, you spend more time talking than listening, you may be a bore.  You may be oversaturating your audience with relentless barrages of words that have all lost their meaning.  If no one can tell what's worth listening to anymore, you've become white noise to be tuned out. 

​Food for thought:  if you find people constantly interrupt you, it seems you can never finish a sentence, you may be a bore.  You may drone on about mundane details not pertinent to the convo and people are desperate to redirect convo.  Think about what you want to say.  Tailor it to be more interesting.  Cut to the chase and get the party started.  You may need to practice until you find the right balance to earn your audience's attention.  If you want people to listen, make sure it's interesting.  Everyone's time is valuable, so jump in, get to it and be aware of social cues that will help guide you to what's interesting and what is not. 

If you're ever looking for the right GIF to convey an emotion, just google Adam Devine!  I'm certain you will find the right GIF for any situation!  Try it...you'll see what I mean. 

I am surrounded by people who actually boast about not being able to hide their emotions.  I bet you know people like that, too.  Or maybe you are one of them.

I can't hide it when I'm mad
I can't hide it when I'm annoyed
I can't hide it when I don't like someone or something
​I can't hide it when I'm upset

They think they are "keepin it real" or it's a badge of honor of some sorts.  They bring their ugly scowl and icky energy into the room, put it front and center making it everyone else's problem to work around, not their problem to manage. 

What they are really saying (or what I hear) is "I lack emotional maturity. I am often times rude and/or I act out.  I am not in charge of my emotions and incapable of managing them.  You can expect me to act like I'm a 2 yr old". 

People who let their emotions take center stage & dictate the vibe of the moment are weak.  They aren't keeping it real, what they're doing is acting like a lil whiny b*tch.   We can be honest and true to who we are without being rude or turning our issue into everyone else's problem.  If you haven't figured that out, then you still have some growing up to do.  There's a class and charm to people who know how to handle a moment that doesn't suit them. 

For those people who brag about letting their knee jerk reactions and every emotion they experience drive the vibe, slap on your game face already!  Power through like you are 100% in charge of your own emotions.  Show some strength and finesse.  Hey, we all get sucker punched by life and may need a minute.  That's cool.  Breathe, vent, scream, pick up that gallon of ice cream on the way home, call a friend, go for a beer, do some yoga, take a boxing class or do all of it!  Practice healthy management of emotions.  Put yourself in check, figure out what you're feeling then address it with class.  Navigate your situation.   It's called adulting.